ayoalabi

To witness and to inspire

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

Forget NYRs. Find out how much you love yourself.

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How many new years resolutions (NYRs lol) have you broken so far? Let me guess, all of them. To be honest I stopped being a believer in new years resolution when I was about 10 because I quickly realised that I broke every single one a few days into the year, just like the previous 2 years. Now I just make mental notes of some things I’d like to change and work at it. For example, I’ll be saying no to people a lot more this year because I find saying yes most of the time leads to you delaying your own plans or possibly cancelling it in the end. I also want full days, not busy days, because being busy actually means you achieve very little. You know that feeling of being rushed for time? Its during these times we are at our least productive. A full day on the other hand is much more fulfilling: I woke up this morning planning to write this blog at the end of the day and here I am writing the blog at the end of the day, having done “most” of what else I had planned to do.

But why do we feel the need for these resolutions every year? We are able to recognise our bad habits and so we intend to cut them out. So these things are to blame for us not achieving all our goals of the previous year, or maybe they might shorten the number of years ahead of us. We make these resolutions to ensure that we are better people in the new year. However, the general rule for every habit is that it takes you the same number of years you took to pick it up to drop it, so if you picked up a habit over 10 years it will take a further 10 years to completely drop it. I think the only solution is to continually work at it no matter the time of year it is.

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Here is where my point comes in. We try to be better people in order to be more successful people. Your resolutions are made to ensure that you are at a better place in a years time. But we’ve all been told that a high self-esteem and high self-confidence – loving yourself, believing in yourself – is the key to success. And this is not true.

New research points out that our generation has developed a higher proportion of people with narcissistic attitudes due to the beliefs earlier mentioned. This means people are increasingly unrealistic in their expectations thus creating an “ambition inflation”. The long term future of such is not too bright and the down-sides are extensive. Note that this does not mean under-confident people will be more successful. It’s all about hitting the right level of confidence.

Me me me

All this narcissist talk made me want to find out how much I loved myself (to do the same the link is pasted at the bottom of this post) and if I was in a psychological danger zone. It’s a test that asks you 40 questions and rates you across seven traits. A score between 12 and 15 is average, celebrities score about 18, and narcissist score above 20.

I scored 12 and I thought phew I’m safe. My lowest score was exhibitionism (a zero) indicating that I do not like to be the centre of attention. I scored a 3 on superiority and two other traits but the test mentioned that I scored highest in superiority meaning that I think I am better than others around me. Not sure I agree with that but the truth can be hard to swallow so I’ll take it as it is.

So why don’t you go ahead an take the test and see if your love for yourself is harmful to you. It’s best you are honest so at least you know where you truly stand.

I actually pity the narcissists because they are notorious for never completing therapy. Enjoy!

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/narcissistic.htm

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